First, I just want to say I’ve warned my family and friends about leaving me alone for long periods to fend for myself. When they do, I end up with a Kotex taped to my leg.
It was actually a quite brilliant move on my part if I do have to say so myself. Pretty MacGyver really.
Here’s what happened: My cats tried to kill me.
No joke, they tried to kill me. I’m not talking some run of the mill cat move like walking directly in your path and stopping suddenly to make you fall kind of cat killing move either. Kitty #1, Raphael (a.k.a Fat-Cat) likes to hide under the bed and it can take hours to get him out from under the bed. Kitty #2, Leonardo (a.k.a. Mean Ass), thinks he is my shadow and can typically be found within a 12 inch radius of me.
To thwart Raphael’s attempts to stay under the bed for hours at a time, I keep the bedroom door closed. I had to go in the bedroom for something and thought they were still sleeping peacefully in the living room. As I’m walking out of the bedroom, Raphael makes a break for it and tries to dive under the bed.
Knowing I didn’t have an hour to waste trying to coax him out from under the bed, I tried to grab him. Except, I accidentally sort of grabbed him around the neck. He hissed and swiped at me which scared me a little so I stepped back…on Leonardo. Then both cats charged each other in a flurry of fur and claws.
The result: No cats made it under the bed. I had two gashes down the calf of my leg. Each gash is about two inches long and about an inch apart. I was bleeding and the cats were trying to sniff it or lick it which on further proves they were actually trying to kill me in some sort of elaborate scene. None of the Band-Aids I had were big enough, or small enough?, to actually work. I was trying to look for something bigger to bandage my leg with when it hit me…Kotex.
They are bigger than a Band-Aid and well, their purpose is to…well you know what they are supposed to do. As a big girl, I have a fairly big calf so I couldn’t wrap the absorbent side of the Kotex around my leg to stick it to itself, so I started looking for something to hold it in place. All I could find was a roll of box tape so I improvised.
After all that drama and ingenuity on my part to stop the bleeding, I just couldn’t write. I’m thinking Kotex is missing out on a whole marketing segment. Just sayin’.